And here I am

Such a Short time.
I never imagined I'd be doing as well as I am. OH gosh, I'm not great, don't let me fool you, but I am SO much better then I thought. Church in the Box was fantastic, I can hardly describe to you how I felt leaving it. The entire night was on hurt and pain, and hope. There was one reading that really got to me; It was about not knowing how to let God into the pain you are feeling, not knowing what to say to Him. And just how desperately you need to feel like you are wanted, but how you just feel alone. I wasn't expecting it to affect me so much, I don't usually let people see my emotions at church. But this time it wasn't even my choice, I didn't even notice the tears falling until I felt them on my arm. It was a silent cry, the tears just fell, it was refreshing, everything I had had been keeping inside, not giving up to God..It was all being washed away.
Why do we do that, why do we need to prove to other Christians that we are strong, that we can't be weak, that we'll make it through. Why can't we just be vulnerable and allow others to gather around us. That is what the Church is for after all! Why do we put on these faces? I think we need to let people know what we are going through, not be shy to share our experiences. Because maybe through our stories others will learn. Others will know that they aren't alone. For the longest time, I thought I was alone with what I was going through. Then I started to hear other peoples stories, stories of how people made it through. Because of these stories I knew I wasn't weird or different (okay maybe I am a little weird, but thats just totally unrelated). We need to be open, to let people know..."Yes, I am weak, But HE makes me strong".
So Here I am, a broken, hurt, hungry servant of Christ. A life, living in hope, in perseverance. I have peace. I know my life is in the hands of the father. He will not let me go, he WILL guide me.