April Showers Bring May Flowers.

I think I'd really like to believe that saying. "April Showers bring May Flowers".
Honestly, I do like Spring a lot. I love the idea of new birth and starting over. I love the smell and the sound of the birds and most of all...the sun.

I also think that I want to believe that saying in my own life. I want to believe that when there are showers, it only means that eventually there will be flowers as well. You have to go through the rain to get to the sunshine, you have to go through the storms to get to the beautiful days.

Changing weather always does something to me. I start to feel sentimental, I start to think too much. I don't know what it is, but not a word of a lie, it seems to be the same times each year. It might also be that school is winding down and I'm getting pretty sad about it, also pretty anxious.

This weekend I went home and saw my brother get baptized. It was a great service. I was so proud of him, all his friends came and my grandparents came as well. This weekend really made me get excited about going home for the summer. It's going to be hard because I haven't lived at home with parents and rules for almost 2 full years now, but I'm also excited to have time with my siblings, and honestly...just away from Redeemer. I'm still worried about jobs, I mean..I have two weeks until I'm home and really I don't have any leads or anything. I know that God will provide, and I just have to trust and all that stuff that "adults" tell me, but sometimes it's hard because I do worry...I'm not rich...I need a good job...I need to make money. Showers.

Sometimes I think it would be a whole lot easier to deal with things like jobs if I was a guy...or well...simply if I was good at the whole looking for a job and interview thing. I HATE being shy and nervous, but when I get infront of people I don't know I freeze and all that runs through my head is "they won't be hiring...they won't want you...you have no experience...this job wouldn't be right for you". UGH. That whole part...I know I need to get over, but I just wish it was as easy as getting the greenhouse job or the library job. I friggen miss the library job, no matter how much I complained about it...I love those ladies and I miss working with them.

I've pretty much completely gone off topic now. My point was...as soon as these showers are over...There are going to be flowers. I'm sure of it. In all aspects of my life. Lingering feelings, self-consciousness, the dreaded job search, studying like a crazy person, school. They'll all bring flowers. Lame analogy...but whatever.

Someday there will be flowers after all these storms.