Truth be Told...

I've been searching for something.
Who I am, Why I'm here.
If I'm honest, I've felt for the last several weeks that I made a mistake, that somethings not right, that I don't belong here. And then today, everything just kinda fell into place.
Last Sunday I phoned my mom bawling, and told her I just didn't know what to do, and didn't know if Redeemer was the right place for me. She calmed me down and proceeded to tell me she full-heartily believed that I was meant to be at Redeemer. That I was here for a reason. That there's a purpose. I stopped crying, and tried to believe her, but then I had a rough week, and all the feelings came back. Now I'm not going to sit here and write lies, So I'm not going to say I'm completely happy being at Redeemer at the present time, but I will explain a little about why I'm not going to pack up my bags and head home. I just need to work on a few things.
I was here, for some pretty silly reasons. Purely social. And when I felt like people didn't like me, or I wasn't getting enough social atmosphere from my first month, I panicked, and decided I wasn't supposed to be here. But in all reality, I'm not here, or shouldn't be here, just for social reasons. I could be social for a whole lot less money at home. So what am I here for? Obviously building relationships is part of it, but there is so much more. I'm here to grow. To learn. To become a seeker of truth, of love, of purity and of knowledge. I'm here, to learn how to better be a disciple. How to go, wherever God leads me. The I read this verse today, while having a little bit of personal time.
"Deliver me, O Lord, from my enemies; In You I take shelter. Teach me to do
Your will, For YOU are MY God. Your spirit is good. Lead me in the land of
Uprightness." Psalm 143: 9&10

So It doesn't matter how alone I can feel sometimes, He is always there. His Spirit is good. He will NEVER leave me, or forsake me. He is my comfort. I don't need to be so concerned that other people don't like me. When I can fully understand that HE loves me, that he's always going to be there for me, then I can start to like myself, to understand myself better, and then...maybe the rest will fall into place. I'm always going to have struggles. I'm human, I'm a broken, hurting, seeking, follower of Christ. And That's all that matters right now.

Live. Learn. Trust. Follow. Believe. KNOW.
Because in my darkest days, I will still praise Him. I will come, on bended knee. And Worship.